HOW TO 'DO SAD' WELL

How do we do the Emotion of Sad?

If we are honest, most of us do “sad’ pretty poorly! I am not saying we suck or that we are losers, I am saying that as a culture we have little idea of how to do the emotion of sad well.

In our western thinking, to feel or allow sadness is a bad thing. Most of us apologize for tears as if we have done something wrong. Even when we are alone, we run away from the emotion of sadness. It is like we think that only weak people are sad. Even Christian people seem to think that being sad is off limits. Maybe being sad is a violation of needing to be joyful and happy? We Americans seem to have this attitude that being happy all the time with no interruptions is the goal of life. So sadness in our minds is something to avoid at all costs! We avoid any kind of discomfort with our best energy and passion. Sadness is a form of discomfort we just hate and despise! I personally don’t like it, but I know it is real and necessary.

I would suggest that healthy people know how to do ‘sad’. Healthy people even help others to allow themselves to be sad. Sad is about a beautiful acknowledgement that life is hard and full of pain. Sad is often the honest emotion of a tender heart that is experiencing loss. Potentially this whole blog is about the art of grieving? I would say that most of us have a lot to learn about grieving. But sadness can have an end. That is the contents of Hope. God will bring us through!

The past few weeks both Amy and I had good bouts with this looming heavy thing called sad. Mine was when we were down at the lake with friends and Amy was in the front seat of the boat as we zinged across the water. Her hair was flying all over and she had a 6 year old sitting near her. I was in the middle of the boat just thinking and watching my girl. She was stunning in my humble opinion! I was probably staring at her. My mind drifted to what her life could be like if I ended up dying of this nasty cancer. Within seconds I had tears flowing. It was loud and no one could talk, but my mind and heart were doing their thing. I ached for her. My girl might be a widow in the near future? I thought about her alone-ness, it crushed me! I cannot control or change it. Before I am gone I could leave notes, but I will be gone. Even typing this makes the flow come back on. She and I talk regularly about this pain and sadness. My sadness there in the boat was real and hard! I allowed myself to go there. It really kind of sucked!

I believe this is super healthy and good for us, good for her and good for me! If we refuse to go to sad, it happens anyway. When we do sad well, I believe we are acting like God wants us to. Look at this amazing line in the Old Testament describing Jesus.

He was a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.  Isaiah 53:3

Jesus, who is fully Human and fully God, was good at grief! This probably catches many of us off guard. Listen, Jesus, of all people, knew how to grieve! He weeps in the loss of Lazarus, he is heavy hearted when he sees harassed people, he is sad with tears in the garden at the coming cross. Jesus is not sheltered from the pain of this world. He aches, he cries, he is deeply moved. Jesus offers us an example of what the path of sadness might look like!

The apostle Paul is also skilled in grief! He knows the pain, the sadness, the disappointments. He announces them along with his struggling heart to trust God.

So what will you and I do in these sad days? Amy and I are trying to simply allow ourselves to feel sad. Maybe healthy is to just sit in it, to not run away, to not attempt to distract ourselves by trying to get out of it. I wonder if it is in sitting in sadness that we learn the true heart of God? Maybe that is where we learn to be beautifully, fully human?  

Can you and I go sit with Jesus in the pain and sadness of it all. Sad is one of the God given emotions of being human. He invites us to do it with him. The despair is not his voice, the rebellion is not His voice. His voice is the one saying, “Come near to me my child and I will comfort you with a peace unimaginable!” Come to me he says.

My encouragement is to go sit in it! That is what I am trying to do in my sad and difficult days.

Remember this line after you sit a while,

“….. joy comes in the morning!”  Psalm 30:5