I Have Cancer — John Drage | Living with Brain Cancer

On Feb. 20, 2019, I got news that was like a hurricane and earthquake rolled into one. I was told I have terminal brain cancer, specifically named Glioblastoma. Our doctors call it the meanest and nastiest of all cancer, a Category Five Landfall.

We knew something was coming.

Fall of 2018 I experienced some strange migraine symptoms, rainbow colored images in my vision, some headaches and a little nausea. My excellent family doctor thought I was having migraines. He prescribed some preventative migraine meds which helped me feel mostly better. Then in early February 2019 I had the headache of my life; a week long headache, never ending, splitting, nasty beast. My family doctor, Dr. Prica, did give me a shot on about the 5th day and that helped some. He and I continued to talk and we decided I should get an MRI to see what might be going on behind the scenes. Monday night, Feb. 11, Dr. Prica called me just an hour after the MRI was completed to tell me that I have a brain tumor.

The hurricane is now on the radar and we know something big is storming toward us.

Whole family together minutes before brain surgery.

Two days later we were in Dr. Bondurant’s office. He is the top neurosurgeon in Columbia. Maybe he knows what this thing is. As he asked if we want to see it, I wondered what to think. It looked enormous, especially compared to the size of the rest of my brain. I gulped. Oh no! What could this thing be? The previous 36 hours did not just end in a reset, like waking up from a bad dream. It was real. I had a brain tumor. We did some more tests and then scheduled brain surgery for Tuesday, February 19. Of all the potential things to get operated on, you don’t want it to be your brain. Really? You are going to cut a hole in my skull and yank out this fist sized tumor? Fear, anxiety and caution were minimal emotions at this point. Telling my children and family was highly emotional every time. We cried until we had nothing left and then sobbed some more. Is Dad going to die? We ain’t ready for that. At that moment I could only worry about my sweetheart. What would she do? We are soulmates! We are partners and lovers in everything!

The surgery went absolutely perfect! Five hours later, with his special machines and tools, the doctor expelled the demon. I had thought, it will definitely be benign, and I will get back to normal life in a week. But no! Dr. Bondurant wandered into our hospital room that dark night Feb. 20 to drop the bomb. It would become a Cat 5 Landfall right on our front porch. John, you have Glioblastoma. We talked about the range of what this could be and this one is the meanest of the mean. I like to think I am tough and strong. As I listened to his words I thought, what are we going to do? He described how it could kill. He was really good at breaking the news, but how is this news ever an easy thing?

We really had no understanding of this cancer or the scary news of it killing everyone in its path. John McCain recently died of the same cancer. Sometimes storms come with no forecast. Bam! The news comes.

Eventually, my four kids arrived. We all stood there crushed, not knowing what to think or say or feel. I wanted to find stable. My method of finding stable all these years has been to go find my Jesus. I had run to Him 100’s of times in all kinds of troubles. I could not even get bearings to figure out where He might be. Be gentle with yourself John, I thought. Rod, one of my mentors, has been nudging me with that sentiment a lot recently, but I could not figure out what was up. Sometimes for me I am overly hard on myself which is antithetical to listening to the Lord. Jesus is way more interested in picking us up than He is with emphasizing with our faults.

“I do not like this cancer. My life has been completely flipped upside down. I have a death warrant on my head. But I, like King David, strongly declare - “He has made my lot secure!””

I do not like this cancer. My life has been completely flipped upside down. I have a death warrant on my head. But I, like King David, strongly declare - “He has made my lot secure!” Psalm 16:5 I am not crazy, nor am I in denial. I know that this cancer kills everyone in an average of 16.4 months. I am not saying that I am going to beat it with my attitude or my strength. I am saying that I am secure because of Him! I am not even saying that the Lord is going to heal me. I do not know what He will do. But I am confident that after passionately following Him and getting to know Him more deeply these last 37 years, He is bigger, He is stronger and lastly that He loves me.

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