New Rhythms
A couple of our kids and good friends from Honduras visiting us in Houston.
This week is my first full week of cancer treatment. Like I have said before, I put poison in my mouth and swallow it. I get nuked by radiation. I go to this hospital where most of the people I see look very sick. But I feel great! It is true I have microscopic glioblastoma (GBM) cancer cells swimming in my brain, but I feel really good. I made a new friend at the YMCA last Friday and we swam again the other day). I hope to ride with him and his triathlon friends in the weeks to come. But the big challenge for Amy and me is creating a new pattern of doing life here. It feels a little bit like a vacation, but we have these cancer appointments sprinkled in. We feel like we need a routine, but that does not feel possible with the randomness of what we are doing. Let me share with you how I plan to attack this challenge of crafting a routine. I wonder if it is your challenge as well?
A Team Approach
Amy and I are in this together down here in Houston. We plan to be here until April 25 when we will make the 13 hour drive home. We know that the happiest married couples behave as a team. They have the same goals and objectives, they sacrifice for one another, and they love each other.
As we are trying to figure out how to organize our days, we each spend time listening. Plans often take lots of compromising. We both want to do decisions together, but sometimes we forget that together is our best plan. We are asking each other, “what do you want to do?” often. When we look at the calendar and hear each other’s desires, we are acting like a team. This has been our practice for years at home where we have more clear roles and job responsibilities. We are learning to do this all over again. All that while fighting this nasty GBM. We do not know how fast this cancer will grow and effect me. That reality makes long-term planning a silly idea. Amy and I are positive of the Team Approach. We are committed to it but it’s just not that easy.
Constant Communication
One simple thing I have come back to is the concept of expectations. I have done my fair share of marriage counseling with couples over the years. Here is a phrase I have said to them and myself hundreds of times, “conflicts happen when an expectation is not met.” Hmmm, yes, when one of us has an expectation of how something ought to go and if it does not happen like that, we can get angry or feel disappointed or hurt. The real problem happens when expectations are not talked about or agreed on. The wise couple knows this and constantly looks to clarify expectations and agrees on them. Amy and I are in completely new territory here. We are trying to talk through all kinds of these expectations. One thing we are trying to do is begin the day by talking about our expectations for the day as we are trying to schedule it. A day started scheduling together is better than a day not started scheduling together.
Be Still and Listen to the Voice
The Bible is explicit on this idea of “seeking first the kingdom of God and His righteousness” (Matthew 6:33). This is not a shallow call to religiosity. This is about deepening an interactive relationship with the King of the universe. To put Him first and commit to becoming like Him is basic. Jesus came to the planet firstly to save its people from their sins and secondly to live in them and among them.
This Jesus desires to do life with us. He still speaks! Those who listen for His voice have a chance at divine leadership in their lives. As Amy and I meander through this new adventure of cancer, we must give attention to what Jesus is trying to say. He always calls us to humble ourselves, He always us calls to be thankful, He always wants us to trust Him, He always calls us to serve the least of these, and He always calls us to be ready to give a reason for the hope we have. Listening is not done in 5 minutes. Of course, 5 minutes is good, but He desires to be first and for us not to be in such a hurry to get going. He loves us and wants to be in vital relationship. Spending good amounts of time with Him to listen is the beginning of experiencing His leadership. This is how we follow Him.
Get Back on the Balance Beam
“He always calls us to humble ourselves, He always us calls to be thankful, He always wants us to trust Him, He always calls us to serve the least of these, and He always calls us to be ready to give a reason for the hope we have.”
Years ago I was teaching about time and life management at church. I built a balance beam out of a 4x4 to help teach the intro. I did not practice standing on it. 5 minutes into the intro I fell off that height of 8 inches at least 10 times. It was while falling off and getting back on that I learned the lesson of balance. The great lesson of balance is to keep getting back on the balance beam. The goal of balance is not to figure out how to be so clean and so neat that you never fall off. The goal is to constantly adjust so that when you fall off you get back on the beam. We must constantly reassess what needs adjusted. Balancing rest, work, play, pray, dates, kids, exercise, serving, saving, spending, running, sitting, studying, eating, celebrating, mourning, listening, talking, etc is challenging. Amy and I are trying to figure out balance here.
Our hope is that we discover and start to practice new rhythms in these next couple weeks. The above principles will most likely guide us. Maybe those principles will guide you too as you build beautiful rhythms of life.