LET’S TALK ABOUT MY GREAT TEACHER-PAIN

When reflecting on my life or when mentoring someone, my big question is always,

“What is God doing in my/their life?”

This is my question for almost everyone I meet with, even my friends. I am trying to discern through listening to them what God might be doing. If we ask the question, “How are you?”, potentially we hear a beautiful, heartfelt answer where the person shares a smidge of what is going on. But if we are insistent and truly want to know more, we could say, “Wow, tell me more.” My simple idea here is to try to figure out what might their Creator be doing in their life!

Many mornings these last 11 weeks since my diagnosis, I have risen early to find my place in the living room where I can drink coffee, slow my heart, read, and pray. This is who I hope John Drage 2.0 becomes. This is the regiment I am wanting to pursue. I have sat still all through these years, but not like this. My slowness now is different and I want it this way.

But slowness runs against everything in this world. I still like fast and efficient! I wonder if one of God’s big pushes in my life is to slow down and sit with Him and enjoy, listen, revel? Even as I sit here now, the question is, “What is Jesus trying to get me to do, think, or adjust my heart toward?” and also “What big issue(s) do I need to ask Jesus help with?” The answers to these questions need to be specific and not general!

We are just now starting to get back to normal. Whatever normal is…. Going back to work is good, but there is a lot of change in the church. Amy and I are trying to figure out how to live at home again as well. Since March 4, we have only slept in our house 15 nights. We have been all over with all kinds of travel. This has been good, but also challenging. I deeply want to discern what the Master is doing in my life.

One of the clues I look for when mentoring is pain. Where is there pain in someone’s life?

C.S. Lewis said, ‘pain is the great megaphone that God speaks through to awaken us’ (my paraphrase).

When I think of my present pain: 1) I feel the pain of not knowing much of the future, 2) I feel the pain of letting go of all that I built and gave my life to these last 29 years, 3) I feel the pain of my wife and kids as they wonder what is going to happen to me, and 4) I feel the pain of many friends as they walk with me in this cancer.

My three sons, Than, Caleb, and Josh at Caleb’s wedding June 1.

This suffering is very real and it is getting my attention. But what might God be doing in me? The Bible says He is always at work. The Bible says that God molds His children to become like the Son. What is He doing in my life? Surely He is using the pain of cancer and change and relationships to get my attention.

For years I have taught the Law of the Seed. In order for anything good to come from the seed, it must first be buried in the ground and die. Then it can produce a plant that will make many seeds. John 12:24-25 says it sweetly and succinctly.

“Unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies it remains a single seed. But if it dies it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it, but the man who hates his life will gain it for eternal life.”

That has been a key verse for me for years and years. “We must die to ourselves”. It is the ultra basic Christian life pattern. In order to truly live, we must die to our own desires and selfishness. For me in these last days I am sensing an invitation to let go. This is not a call to apathy but an invitation to not be so controlling. My counselor and I talked about the word RELINQUISH. Surrender, death, release are all the same idea.

We must listen to the invitation of Jesus to come and die. Yes, this is ultimately about not breathing anymore but it is really about trusting Him for everything and not trying to just make it happen in our human strength. To embrace the death of Jesus is the pattern. Again, we are not to just be apathetic and heartless, but to engage our God in this matter of death to self. Maybe in all this death to self there is a preparation going on, an ultimate preparing to let go of all things.

What is God teaching me right now? To continue on the path of RELINQUISH. Stop fighting it. Do it gracefully and not begrudgingly.

How is the Master trying to get your attention? Are you stopping long enough to listen? Are you listening to the people around you that are giving you the clues. Has the pain in your life reaching a place where it has your attention?

Let’s be people who deeply cooperate with Him in what He is doing in our life!”